Thank God I don't Live 12 Million Years Ago

I'm already afraid of the ocean/lakes/rivers/pools because of sharks, alligators, snapping turtles, something totally unknown. Now I'm convinced that this whale + killer shark combo deal is still lurking below. I'm positive that the giant alligator in the epic film "Lake Placid" is waiting for me in every lake I see, so why wouldn't the Leviathan melvillei be waiting for me in the deep ocean?



Thanks, but I'll stick to land and wait for the graboids from "Tremors" to eat me.

Somehow, they feel totally different...

85 Is Cool? New Technology is Cool?

This is the first evening since we moved down here that it's been "cool" and not 90% humidity, so I'm taking advantage of this and sitting in our Florida room watching the dogs attack bugs stuck crawling along the screens and listening to my Pandora "They All Laughed" station.

I started subscribing to RSS feeds on my Google Reader today. I don't know what took me so long to enter this realm of online information gathering. I have seen the little orange wave on practically every website, but ignored it. I like to think it's because I'm anti-conformity and a total non-hipster, but I cannot lie to myself; I dislike a majority of new things until I force myself (or, more often, am forced) to try them.

I'm a crotchety, creaky 90 year old man. (Definitely not a sweet, candy-carrying granny.) I prefer to shuffle around the house in my worn-in slippers and curse those youngins with their loud music and crazy ideas. This might be a (slight) hyperbole, but I do enjoy my slippers. I'm definitely a child of this extremely connected, constantly moving Internet age, I just come around to new technology a great deal slower than others.

The only Uggs I will ever own. Thanks, Santa!

I swore off e-readers when I first heard of them because nothing can replace the feel of a bona fide, grainy book in your hands. After spending time reading reviews about different e-readers and playing with the Nook at Barnes & Noble, I've decided they might not be the work of El Diablo. Now the top of my Christmas list is adorned with the Nook (No, not the Kindle. Give me a color screen and book sharing.). Hear that, Santa? My husband downloaded the most recent Blackberry software to my phone yesterday and I nearly had a heart attack. As you may have guessed, I survived, but I spent today adjusting to the new BBM format and horrible pain of setting up my email again. Life is so hard.

Puppies!

A look at the first six months of a dog's life

I am 100% pro-puppy. Anyone got a problem with that?

Sunday, Monday Happy Days!

10 ways to find more pleasure every day

These have all been said a million and one times, but no one ever really listens. Take the time this week to do one of these each day and give your day, week, month, year, life a little boost.

Two pieces of advice in one snuggly package.

When you're done, take some time to check out the website RealSimple.com. Life doesn't need to be complicated, so why does everyone make it so?

Blackwater Babblings

My husband, our good friend, and I went on a canoe trip down the Blackwater River yesterday. I was excited to go and to bring our puppy, Shadow, as well. If you know me, you know I don't do well in nature (nature being anything more than 15 feet from a house or paved road), so my husband was pretty excited that I even suggested we go canoeing.

The Blackwater River National Park holds the only white sand river in the whole United States and it's beautiful. The water is too cold for alligators, which would have been a large deterrent in my willingness to go. The river was rarely too deep to stand in and you could easily see to the bottom. Our friend enjoyed repeatedly telling me that there were tree snakes and snapping turtles, but as long as I could see danger a-coming, I knew I'd be okay.

Oh, and, J.Lo let me borrow her rifle.

This was Shadow's first foray into the wide world of boating. She didn't quite grasp the idea of weight distribution or oars. As I perched on our cooler full of Gatorade, Shadow hopped back and forth in utter rapture of every partially submerged tree stump or plunge of the bright red oar. She had me convinced we were going to flip every 5 minutes, which required a shriek that I'm sure my canoe buddies truly appreciated. Shadow also found it completely unacceptable that we did not stop at every single beach so that she could explore. Her whines could be heard for miles. When we did stop, she decided it was no longer time to listen to us, and sprinted from one end of the beach to the other.

Photo evidence of Shadow corraling.

I'd say that everyone had a pretty good time. The only sunburnt part of my is my poor scalp (someone remind me to sunscreen my head next time I put it back in braids before sitting in direct sunlight for 4 hours). If you're ever in the area of Blackwater and you've got a day to spend floating down the river, I highly suggest it! There's a rental company that offers canoes, tubes, and plenty of other water sport items to maximize your river enjoyment.

Bullpen Love

This is by far too cute: a bullpen catcher for the Mariners tossed an attractive woman in the stands a ball with his number on it. The rest, as they say, is history. They were married in, where else, the Mariners' bullpen this past Saturday.

Give it up for sappy, romantic stories, people!

Happy Tuesday!

If there's one song that can always lift my spirits, it'd have to be this one. Enjoy Whitney's enormous hair, skin tight outfits, and pre-Bobby Brown sanity.

Female Condom with a Twist

I cannot fully hop on board with this product, but I am jogging alongside the wagon.

Spiked Female Condom

On the one hand, I am glad to see that something will happen to those who are raping women. It is one of the most horrible things that could be done to another human being. It is comforting to know that there are people who are working hard to help prevent rape from happening. I think that, in this case, the punishment fits the crime.

On the other hand, if I were wearing one of these I would also worry about the rapist attempting to hurt me in other ways out of anger. The hope is that it would give the woman enough time to get away from her attacker while he is frantically attempting to pull this off, but enough rage and adrenaline pulsing through your body can push pain to the back of your mind. I'm interested to see what happens with this invention being publicized and handed out in mass to the South African public.

Any thoughts, my, oh so, numerous audience?

Oh, Snoop

I love me some True Blood, which is why it's so upsetting that we don't have HBO (or any cable for that matter). I also have always had a soft spot for Snoop Dogg (my father has brought back the "izzle"). This video is a little Snoop homage to the show and it's all sorts of fantastic.



I must make a point that if you haven't read the Sookie Stackhouse novels, you're missing out. The storyline is way more fun and there are some great battles. The show does satisfy those who lack an imagination when it comes to sex scenes, but if you have an active imagination there's no end to how good Bill or Eric is in bed. The books are pure candy and sometimes have some editing errors, but they're delicious and very quick reads. I recommend them if you're looking for good summer reads.

Glee Flash Mob

Yes. An amalgam of things that make me all warm and gooey inside: Glee, Journey, flash mobs, choreographed dances.

Top of the Box, to ya!

Good morning to all!

As I was eating my cereal this morning, I had a delightful moment of happiness. This moment was the result of having perfectly shaped, uncrumbed squares of cereal. It seems so simple and trivial, but it's a great way to start out the day. I felt like I was in a Life cereal commercial with picture perfect squares. All I needed was the milk to crash gloriously into the pile of deliciousness. Mikey would have been proud.

When you wake up and, in a sleepy haze, don't notice the lightness of the box as you pour it and your bowl of cereal is simply a mound of crumbs and sugar bits,your day has started off at a 3 rather than an 8. Maybe my dislike of the bottom half of the box is a manifestation of my (self-diagnosed) OCD. It's still technically the same thing as the top half, it's just so...messy. They might as well be tricking me into eating mulch (right). Where have my perfect little squares gone? They couldn't possibly be composed of this much sugar, could they?

Well, in a few days I will meet the bottom of the box, once again. I cannot toss the remnants in the trash without feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt for "the starving children in countries" as a high school friend once put it. (I'm sure she has no recollection of this statement, but I sure do) Maybe I can trick my unsuspecting husband into finishing off the crumbles.

Nono, Gaga

I'm going to put this out there, and I know I'll take some heat from the Gagaites or whatever her crazy fans call themselves: I intensely dislike Lady Gaga. Her character is just obnoxious and her music isn't anything more than typical pop. Her music isn't at the level of the Beatles or Stones. I don't see my children 20, 30 years from now singing her songs. People are calling her revolutionary and the best thing to happen to music, but I just can't get behind that.

Yes, she's doing wild things with her outfits and hair. Yes, she's creating music that's topping charts at the moment. With today's social media sites, people can be famous for posting a video of their son on drugs after a trip to the dentist or for tickling a kitten. I can understand why she's famous, because at least, in part, she has used her own, god-given talents to become this famous.

She has created a character that is interesting to people who are used to seeing celebrities wearing their hair in predictable styles and wearing shoes that require little thought while walking. But this character has become boring and a fame whore. Who shows up to their little sister's high school graduation in a completely outrageous outfit? Have some respect for your family and give your sister a day in the sun.

"No one will even know I'm there, lil sis. I swear!"

I get that the first few outfits she wore were crazy and "pushing the envelope", or something, but she's no Madonna. Christina Aguilera was wearing crazy outfits years ago.

I also don't see her music surviving the tests of time. As previously stated, I don't see my children singing her songs 20 or 30 years from now. She's the pop princess of the moment, and, as with most pop princesses, she'll fade. We'll hear stories of her down the road in desperate cries for attention. We'll hear her songs played in flashback moments and be reminded of the good old days of college or high school (thank you, Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, & Xtina for always giving me a boost of high school nostalgia). But, when it comes down to it she won't last.

Thanks for the slumber party memories, Brits.

After my first blog failed to inspire me, but won at instilling doubt in my grasp of the English language (how ironic), I am creating this new blog. Here, I will post my musings, rantings, laudings, etc.

I'll ease myself into it with what I've been pondering for the last 20 minutes. To buy a magazine subscription or to not. I always enjoy reading magazines (or simply skimming through their pages), but I have yet to buy an actual subscription. I have wasted more money on grabbing random magazines while standing in line pondering whether I really should be buying that fourth bag of chips this week. (More on that love affair at a later date.)



Most magazines now are just ad books. Pages 1-25 are Ralph Lauren, DKNY, Burberry shoving their product down my throat as I anxiously flip past for the scholarly "10 New Sex Positions" expose. These are usually the same old tales tossed back at you with different titles and color schemes.

I think, however, that I have found a magazine I can settle myself into subscribing to: Self. A good friend recently brought it along with her on her trip to see me. It is not only a beauty & fashion magazine, but a health & fitness magazine. It didn't have the hard-hitting articles that grace the middle 3 pages of many magazines nowadays, but it made me happy. No overtly sexual articles about pleasing your man or getting the bedroom booty every girl dreams of. It's geared toward women to simply make them happy. I like that.

And, with that, I have inspired myself to click "Subscribe".